Ep 97: Wait for it…

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Still waiting for Hurricane Dorian. 😬 It’s been quite a test for us here in South Florida. Waiting is a test on a few levels.

Here are a couple of things you can gain from a season of waiting.

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Full transcript 👇

 

Ep 97: Wait for it...

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

Well, we are still waiting on Hurricane Dorian. I’ve spent most of my life on the Gulf Coast of Texas and the Atlantic Coast of Florida so I know how to hurricane.

  • You learn how to wait in long lines at Walmart.
  • You learn how to wait for gas.
  • You wait a little longer for a sub sandwich because everybody had the same easy idea you did for dinner.
  • You refresh your devices like a mad dog just waiting for the next official hurricane update.

This is all part of the waiting boot camp of hurricane season.

But this storm is pushing everyone’s buttons.

The waiting is intense.

And it’s even worse now that we see some reports out of the Bahamas because we have something tangible to go by now.

It looks bad there, and every report coming out of our neighboring islands breaks our hearts.

But we have no choice but to continue to wait.

Have you been through a period like this in your life?

When all you can do is just sit still and see where it goes?

You’re prepared and you’ve covered all your bases. You’re confident in your plan.

But there’s no gate to walk through. No clear way forward.

I think this is one of the more frustrating parts about being intentional and purposeful.

You can only make things happen so much.

At some point you can’t make anything happen, no matter how good your plan or how skilled you are with your stuff.

You just have to wait and see how it goes. You may have to see what the winds bring you to work with.

An intense waiting period is about as stressful as it gets.

How can you weather it with some grace?

First, a waiting period gives you time to consider other things you may normally miss.

I guarantee you more families in South Florida have spent more time together over the past few days than they have in months.

A waiting period gives you time to assess what matters to you and what you want to keep around you.

In a business, a slow time might be the opportunity to consider your marketing strategy instead of just moving your widgets.

In your personal goals, a waiting period might be the time you need to make sure you’ve considered every angle.

This is a blessing you don’t always get when things heat up.

Second, waiting gives you an opportunity to consider the present moments.

I’ve been talking a lot about that lately because most of us spend our time way out in the future, worrying about things that aren’t even on the radar yet.

Waiting can give you the time to look around and focus on where you are right now. What can you do with what you have right now?

What if the thing you’re waiting for doesn’t come? What then?

Can you engage the moment you’re in right now? You’ll kick yourself later if you don’t.

Lastly, waiting is a gift.

We move so hard so fast that we just glance by the opportunity to sit still and just be in the life you’re in right now. Anything unexpected can be a gift if you reframe your perspective.

This is hard to do when you’re anxious to just get this thing going already. But there is so much available to you, to work out things in you, if you’ll submit to it.

No one can give you that gift except you. You can choose to get frustrated with all the waiting or you can choose to be grateful for the opportunity to be a little more engaged in your life.

That one’s up to you.

Waiting doesn’t have to be idle time. Use the time when nothing seems to be happening to assess what’s in front of you to make sure you have what you need to face what’s ahead.

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, podcast or email.

You’ll also find videos and articles at mymentalhealthmoment.com.

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

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Ep 95: Find your own little breeze

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So yesterday I was talking about how it’s okay to quit sometimes. Now today, I want you to find ways to give yourself a break and keep going. Life sure is confusing sometimes! 😂

I find inspiration everywhere, and a few years ago I found it in a simple song that helped me refocus on a bad day. Here are a few things to remember when “one of them days” blows in.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

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Full transcript 👇

 

Ep 95: Find your own little breeze

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

A few years ago I remember having a really tough morning getting ready for work.

It was one of those days when you wake up with kind of a cloud over your head.

Have you ever felt like that?

I tried all my usual stuff to get past it but I still felt like my brain was moving through peanut butter.

I had about an hour commute in those days so while I was driving I decided to try a couple of podcasts I liked.

But it just wasn’t taking, you know? It felt forced and my cynicism had me shooting down all the positive stuff I was hearing.

That peanut butter cloud and I flew right down I-95 together that morning. I couldn’t shake it.

There was a lot going on at my job that was pretty tough, and I knew it was going to be hard to be the positive one today if I didn’t figure this out.

I finally gave up and just turned on my 80s station, which is my go-to place because I like to think I was cool in the 80s. I wasn’t, but if I think I was, then I was, right?

That moment allowed the work of a great American philosopher to change my perspective.

Billy Joel’s hit from 1985 called “You’re Only Human” began to play.

Now I had heard that song a million times before, but I guess I’d never really stopped to hear the lyrics.

Parts of the song spoke to where I was sitting in that moment.

I won’t be singing the lyrics to you here. In fact, my solemn vow to you in Mental Health Moment is that you’ll never have to hear me sing. But I can recite with some skill so here’s what I first heard:

It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright
It’s alright
Though you feel your heart break
You’re only human
You’re gonna have to deal with heartache

I felt like he was singing directly to me right from 1985. It was a legitimate “Back to the Future moment,” only I was in a Mustang not a Delorean. 😂

I remember thinking as I pulled off the highway exit, you know what, he’s right. Billy Joel’s right!

I AM only human! These feelings are part of the experience even though it’s not fun.

In fact, these feelings are the things that make me human.

Philosopher Joel continued on:

But I survived all those long lonely days
When it seemed I did not have a friend
‘Cause all I needed was a little faith
So I could catch my breath and face the world again
Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner or later you’ll feel that momentum kick in.

You’re totally singing this song in your head now aren’t you?

As I pulled in the parking lot I was reminded that I had been here before and I had been able to deal with these feelings.

I would catch my breath again, maybe even in the next few minutes if I chose it. I had faith in my ability to to wrestle with these feelings and win.

I sat in the car for a couple of minutes after the song was over and reflected for a second (I call this taking a mental health moment, by the way).

Here’s what I told myself.

You don’t always get to know why.

We want answers for everything these days, don’t we? We’re just not satisfied with some things remaining a mystery in our Google-centric world. I don’t typically wake up feeling like this, and it was frustrating to not understand this state of mind I found myself in.

But you can’t always draw a direct line back to the source of difficult feelings. Sometimes they just are because they are.

Welcome to the human experience, I guess.

This too, shall pass.

That sounds cliche, I know, but honestly it’s so true. If you hang on long enough, something else will get in your field of vision and take those feelings down a notch if you allow them to.

That means simply accepting that you’re having the feelings and feel them. We’re kind of afraid to feel our feelings. We want them to go away so we can just get on with it.

But we have to pass through this particular forest if we want to get to the open meadow.

Accepting your feelings doesn’t mean you’re okay with them. But you can’t move through them until you acknowledge their existence.

Billy Joel was right. That breeze did blow in later. The cloud eventually lifted once I got busy with my work.

Take the time to care for yourself.

Those feelings clued me in to how I was feeling about my work. It was like a little flag telling me to pay attention here.

It was a tough environment, and I was getting weary of the struggle. My strong feelings that morning reminded me that I have to be proactive about managing myself. I was the only one who could choose how to respond in that environment even if I wasn’t responsible for things being difficult.

This experience prompted me to be kind to myself that day. I made sure to schedule regular breaks and I made sure I took care of myself emotionally as I navigated a tough environment.

I had my selfcare radar up all day.

What makes this song so great is how uptempo it is. It’s a pretty happy sounding song with a serious message.

I guess I heard that message when I needed to hear it.

I won’t say I went skipping in to work that day, but the song reminded me that powerful emotions are part of this human game.

Sometimes the little things can give you what you need to get through the day. While it may be a little silly that a 35-year-old song helped me through the day, I used what was available to me to help me refocus my attention.

That’s about as hard as it needs to get.

Here’s hoping you find inspiration and courage in small ways today!

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

If you want Mental Health Moment delivered right to your inbox, visit mymentalhealthmoment.com to sign up to get these delivered to your email every day.

If you’re STILL wanting for more, you can find articles and videos about stress and mental health, by visiting my website at LoriMiller.me.

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

  • Leave a note below or ask me a question in the comment section below.
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Ep 93: Does social media stress you out?

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After a little more than a decade on social media, the luster has rubbed off a bit. It’s become as much of a stressor as a stress reliever. Yet, we still feel obligated to keep up with it for some weird reason.

How can you find a rightful place for social media in your life? Here are a few of my thoughts.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

And don’t forget to subscribe to hear future episodes of Mental Health Moment wherever you are! 

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Full transcript 👇

 

Ep 93: Does social media stress you out?

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

Have you ever had a time where you’re like, “You know what? I’m just quitting all of social media? I’m done. If you need me, pin a message to a hacky sack and hurl it over my fence. I’ll give you a shout on the walkie talkie if I’m interested in what you have to say!” 😂

Social media has become such a deeply woven part of our days that it now feels like another thing we’re trying to wrangle and put into submission. Like we need any more wrangling in our days.

That’s kind of strange given that it started as a way to connect with others who share your interests or to make new friends, or whatever Tom over at MySpace was telling us at the time. It was all good and fun in those days.

It’s true. Social media can give us so much information, spread awareness of important issues and give us a powerful way to stay in each others lives in spite of where we live.

There are some really good things about social media.

But some days, it feels like an extra drain on our already overwhelmed psyches.

And if you’re prone to distraction, it’s even harder.

Social media feels very much like an either/or proposition. You’re either really into it or really fed up with it. Beyond just shutting it all down, how do you find some balance with it?

Understand that your tug of war with any technology is not about your device or the potential evil aspirations of Facebook.

It’s not even about Russia. 😲😂

It’s about you.

You always hold the power to choose where you place your attention. You are the gatekeeper for what you allow to enter your tired psyche. So it’s not so much about the fact that you own a device that gives you so much access. Or that what’s on it is so addictive.

I know there’s a ton of research on how addictive social media has become for so many. And the developers go out of their way to tap into our reward centers to keep us coming back.

But even with that, it doesn’t absolve us of the responsibility of managing our own attention. We still own that 100 percent of the time.

Your use of social media is still about the boundaries you choose to place on your time.

If you’re consistently evaluating your values and priorities, it’s a lot easier to find a more constructive role for social media. It finds its place in your life just like any other entertainment. You know when it’s time to set it aside.

The biggest problem is that social media has expertly given us a convenient way to avoid what we’re uncomfortable with. Instead of finding healthy ways to deal with your stress, you need only reach in your pocket to kill time and blow off some steam.

It’s just too easy.

That may defer the effects of the stress for a little while, but then you still have to re-enter the world where your life is actually happening. And that seems to be getting harder and harder for us to do because there are so many unique ways for us to escape.

Keep in mind that social media amplifies something that’s already there.

If you suffer from low self-esteem, for example, you have a ready-made product in your pocket to feed that insecurity. Whether it’s seeing others who you think look better than you or seeing others advance ahead of you, that comparison game brings out what you already feel you lack.

That insecurity may have started years ago. You may have formed rules in your own head about the value you bring to the world. That’s something you need to work on for yourself in order to feel good about who you are.

So it’s really less about what social media does to you as much as what it brings out of you.

This is yet another opportunity to draw some boundaries and do good work to improve how you see your world and your role in it.

Is social media adding to our stress?

The short answer is yes but only because we’ve chosen it. Consider that stress has been around long before social media. Imagine living in a time where your ability to hunt food and bring it home was your metric for the day.

How stressful do you think that was?

What we’re experiencing today isn’t the same kind of stress. Our stressors are typically not life-threatening on a daily basis. But we do have a lot of zingers coming our way every day, big and small. Social media has given us an easy way to forget about our stressors.

And that’s okay to a point. But when we prefer to escape over trying to solve our problems, that’s a problem. And we can do that with anything, not just social media.

In order to effectively handle our stress, we have to find the courage to interact with our problems and come up with solutions.

That’s where we start to feel like we have a little bit of control over what happens to us.

So is social media the evil it seems to be? The jury may still be out on that one. But it’s really not about social media.

It’s about knowing what we value and what’s important to us. That’s where we find a sense of purpose and meaning in spite of our stress.

And that is always in our pocket if we choose to engage with it.

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

If you want Mental Health Moment delivered right to your inbox, visit mymentalhealthmoment.com to sign up to get these delivered to your email every day.

If you’re STILL wanting for more, you can find articles and videos about stress and mental health, by visiting my website at LoriMiller.me.

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

  • Leave a note below or ask me a question in the comment section below.
  • Share this episode on Pinterest, Facebook, and LinkedIn .

Help spread the message about good mental health!

Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

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Ep 92: How not to change your mind

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Changing your thoughts isn’t really all that easy, is it? It takes a lot of effort to interact with your thoughts and create thinking habits that will get you where you want to go.

Here’s a concept called flexible attention that lets you go straight to the actions that will help you build a healthier life.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

And don’t forget to subscribe to hear future episodes of Mental Health Moment wherever you are! 

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Full transcript 👇

 

Ep 92: How not change your mind

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

The basic premise of mental health is that your thoughts lead to your feelings, and ultimately your actions. So changing your thoughts is a pretty big way to impact your mental health, right?

Change your thoughts, change your life.

If you’ve tried this, you know how much intention and commitment it takes to change your thinking habits.

This is definitely a healthy practice. It will put you on the path to more adaptive thinking patterns that help you achieve and grow.

But what if you could kind of bypass that “interact and challenge” process?

If the life you want to have involves moving towards more healthy actions, can you just go ahead and move straight to the actions?

Is that wishful thinking?

In an earlier episode of Mental Health Moment called “Take care of your own ‘at-bat,’” I described a baseball player in the batter’s box and how he controls his destiny by focusing on what’s in that box.

He’s not concerned with what has come before or what might come later.

He’s totally caught up in that present moment. Focusing on his own at-bat can help his team put a win together.

How does he do that?

  • Does he forget what’s come before?
  • Does he choose to spend time changing his thoughts about what might happen later in the game?

He really doesn’t. He doesn’t have that luxury.

What’s really happening in that moment is that he’s so focused on the task in front of him that everything else just gets pushed aside.

That baseball player has learned to shift all of his attention to a present action. An action that could change something.

It’s not so much that he tells himself not to think about how he struck out earlier.

It’s more about the way he can impact the game right in front of him. That’s where he chooses to place his focus.

In doing so, he no longer has to grapple with those other thoughts.

He’s not fighting with them or challenging them even. He just sets his sights on the task and the thoughts get displaced.

This is called flexible attention.

And this is the superpower that most elite athletes have mastered.

Once it’s time to focus on the next move, there’s simply no room for any other thoughts.

You can do the same with your own thoughts.

It’s useful to capture your challenging thoughts and interact with them. All of cognitive behavioral therapy is based on this principle.

But it may be even more effective to figure out what you need to engage and shift your focus there.

Isn’t that what’s going to make us feel productive and empowered? Seeing the benefits of our actions?

Instead of fighting your thoughts, you accept the challenging thoughts without judgment, then intentionally engage in an action.

So instead of sitting and ruminating about all of the tasks that could overwhelm you today, you choose to focus solely on one of those tasks.

Now that your attention has moved to the activity, your thoughts move toward what you actually need to complete that task.

Those other worried thoughts just got booted from the front seat so you can focus on what’s in front of you.

You didn’t change your negative thoughts about the task.

You distracted yourself with the actual task.

Which means you completed it, and removed one less task to feel overwhelmed by. 👍

You shifted your attention straight to action.

This can help you in a couple of ways:

One, shifting your attention gets you out of your head and keeps you from ruminating and obsessing.

Rumination can tank your mood. Rehashing the same negative thoughts over and over can put you in a downward spiral.

We’ve all had that experience where we sort of think ourselves into a bad mood.

Having the ability to shift your attention shortcuts this process and gets you back in the moment where you can actually influence stuff.

Developing flexible attention trains you to focus on the present.

Getting into the present requires taking intentional actions that will allow you to simply experience the moment you’re in.

Living with anxiety means living in a future with problems that may or may not ever happen.

One of the best remedies for stress and anxiety is to bring yourself back to the present.

Instead of worrying about the future, you engage in the present to impact your future.

But the more you try to make that happen by just thinking about it, the harder it is, right?

It’s like trying NOT to think about a pink elephant.

You can’t wish the present moment to happen. But you can take actions that allow you to use your senses.

This reminds you where you are.

You’re simply experiencing the moment you’re in, doing the thing you’re doing.

And chances are, the thing you’re doing is moving something along.

Shifting your attention produces the actions that will solve your problems.

This is the best part. Instead of trying to get all that insight about your thoughts and where do they come from and all that, you can instead create actions that help you find solutions.

It’s so easy to get stuck in your own thoughts and find yourself swimming in your emotions. This keeps you focused on how you got here.

Shifting your attention to the next thing that could impact your day gets you out of that pool where you can actually see things happen.

The next time you find yourself way inside your own mind, ask yourself, what’s the next tiniest step I can take?

What can I focus on right now that will produce a measurable result?

Place your focus on that one thing and see if it doesn’t take some of the the sting out of those negative and worried thoughts.

Because now, instead of staying stuck, you moved your game forward a bit.

You’re developing a bias for action.

And that will change your life.

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

If you want Mental Health Moment delivered right to your inbox, visit mymentalhealthmoment.com to sign up to get these delivered to your email every day.

If you’re STILL wanting for more, you can find articles and videos about stress and mental health, by visiting my website at LoriMiller.me.

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

  • Leave a note below or ask me a question in the comment section below.
  • Share this episode on Pinterest, Facebook, and LinkedIn .

Help spread the message about good mental health!

Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

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Ep 91: The little beanie that could

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Have you ever looked at a plant growing up through your driveway and thought, “Man, that’s impressive!” It is, but not for the reasons you think. Plants understand how to use the existing structure to get where they want to go.

You can do the same in your own life.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

And don’t forget to subscribe to hear future episodes of Mental Health Moment wherever you are! 

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Full transcript 👇

 

Ep 91: The little beanie that could

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

One of the first science lessons most of us get is about plants. Maybe you did the same experiment I did with a styrofoam cup, a bean seed, and a windowsill.

This experiment was more about hope than science.

It didn’t seem possible that a tiny bean seed would contain any kind of material that could overcome the heavy dirt laying over the top of it.

If you were impatient like me, you probably dug it up a few times because nothing was happening.

But about the time you think nothing’s happening, BOOM! A little green shoot pops up through the soil and away it goes.

We’re pretty impressed by that but at the same time we know that seeds do grow in dirt. So it’s in its natural environment.

But when a plant busts through concrete, well that’s a whole other thing. We’re pretty impressed by that.

The idea that a tiny plant can bust through concrete defies logic.

But here’s the thing.

The plant isn’t so much busting through, as much as finding its way through.

Concrete contains microscopic cracks. As our little plant deepens its root system, it uses sensors on the roots to sniff out these little cracks.

Once it finds a good one, it forces its way in. Our little beanie draws power from its growing root system, and over time actually displaces the concrete near this crack, breaking it apart and crumbling it in search of light above.

It doesn’t do this because it’s so tough. It finds sunshine because it found the path of least resistance.

We busy humans associate the path of least resistance with laziness. But it’s a pretty common principle in nature.

  • Water flows downhill pretty much all the time.
  • Predators prey on the weaker ones.
  • Even electricity looks for the easiest way.

There’s no glory for that plant in using all his energy to raise that concrete. It might be more impressive but his goal isn’t to bench press the driveway.

The goal for our little beanie is to find his way to where he can find sustenance so he can keep growing.

Why would he use all of his best energy to try to break through something ridiculously heavy when he could just find his way through an area that’s already open?

What can we learn from our little beanie?

Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s the right way to go.

The right way might be the easier way, and that’s okay. We’ve developed a kind of martyrdom about our modern lives. If it’s not a gladiator-style effort, somehow it’s not worth doing.

Your Herculean effort might give you a great story to tell, but it may very well take energy you could use for something else.

Sometimes it’s okay to push the easy button if it gets you where you want to go.

It’s okay to exploit the cracks.

It’s not cheating, it’s practical. And in some cases, it might be the only way to move at all.

The right crack can lead you to the top where the light shines. That’s where you need to be.

You can’t grow unless you have sustenance.

Stubbornly staying under a heavy rock on principle will only suffocate you. You might be able to say that you didn’t take the easy way out. But no will hear you because they’ll be up top high-fiving and growing with our beanie friend.

Finding your way through to the light is just the first step.

Once you get up to the top you might be tempted to think you’ve made it. Take a break and mark your progress, but just know that now is when the real growth can start.

Because you didn’t spend all your good energy trying to do the hardest thing, now you can focus on taking in all that the world has to offer.

You’ll still have to overcome some challenges up here but you already know you have what it takes.

Don’t be afraid to use what you already have to make your life work better.

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

If you want Mental Health Moment delivered right to your inbox, visit mymentalhealthmoment.com to sign up to get these delivered to your email every day.

If you’re STILL wanting for more, you can find articles and videos about stress and mental health, by visiting my website at LoriMiller.me.

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

  • Leave a note below or ask me a question in the comment section below.
  • Share this episode on Pinterest, Facebook, and LinkedIn .

Help spread the message about good mental health!

Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

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Ep 90: How do you want to finish?

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What’s the prize for all that you do? It feels anymore like our days are consumed by the race to achieve and just keep afloat for another day. It’s easy to lose sight of the finish line you envisioned when you started this whole thing.

Here are a couple of ways to get the finish line back in your sights.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

And don’t forget to subscribe to hear future episodes of Mental Health Moment wherever you are! 

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Full transcript 👇

 

Ep 90: How do you want to finish?

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

Some days feel like a qualifying lap at the Daytona Speedway don’t they?

You know there’s a finish here somewhere but you also know you have to make a certain time before you can think about how you finish.

What are you racing towards exactly?

I read an article in The Atlantic this morning that set my mind asking this question. The article is called “How Life Became an Endless, Terrible Competition.” I’ll include a link to it on the web version of this episode at LoriMiller.me if you want to read it.

The author focuses on how work and life have turned into kind of a glorification of achievement and competition. For many, it’s become a frenetic race of nonstop milestones and desperate grabs for status.

And the prize for those who “win” this race is more responsibility, longer hours, and a constantly shifting sense of the wrong priorities.

So the end of the race is not a place to arrive, to kick back and enjoy the spoils. It’s like more of the same…but a lot more.

That doesn’t sound like winning.

The author covers a lot of different territory in the article that’s way outside my expertise, like the fight for economic equality. But his point here got my mind working.

For all of our daily efforts and the stress that we take on to meet our goals, sometimes we have to keep asking ourselves, now WHAT’S the prize exactly?

  • Of course you want to advance and do well and make your mark in your career.
  • You want to know that you’re leaving a powerful legacy at home for those who are coming behind you.

You’re not afraid to dig in and do the things that will make that happen.

But you also want to find some meaning and purpose in each day apart from the constant focus on the next lap coming up.

Why are we okay staying so busy running a race we barely understand and that doesn’t seem to really be getting us to a finish line?

I guess we magically think things will somehow fall into place while we’re busy taking care of stuff. I know I have to challenge myself with that one all the time.

You can find destination and purpose and run your race well. But you may have to make a few intentional tweaks.

The first thing to do is to let go of what’s not working for you.

I say this a lot because it’s true. 😂 It’s the first place to look.

What are you currently doing that is not working for you and not taking you where you want to go? Ask yourself what you are getting from that activity or that relationship.

I think this comes back to your values.

Where do you really want to go?

Values are lifelong pursuits. There’s no finish line with values because they’re ongoing as long as you’re breathing. So it’s really easy for your values to get overwhelmed by your more finite responsibilities.

If every day feels like you’re running up on the down escalator, look at your life and assess exactly where your values are being crowded out.

Make time for reflection and experience.

On those days when you go from thing, to thing, to thing, it’s hard to find time to stop and look back over your day.

  • Where were your wins?
  • What did you miss?
  • What can you give yourself credit for?

This is like watching films after a football game. Successful teams always go back and watch their performance. They look for improvement opportunities they couldn’t see while they were in the middle of it all on the field.

That’s their time to make changes that will help them improve their performance in the next game.

Find even just a few minutes every day to schedule this film time for yourself.

  • What should you be doing more of?
  • What should you reassess?
  • What should you just cut entirely?

Find that small nugget of time to put yourself through these paces. It may change your pace in the race.

Above all, stay in your lane.

A visiting pastor to our church spoke about this just a few weeks ago. If you run a race with your head turned sideways, always looking around to see what others are up to, you’ll lose.

And you might run into something you don’t expect. Your race is ahead of you and it’s your race. You can go as fast or as slow as you want.

It’s tempting to see where others are, but you don’t know what challenges they may be dealing with in their lane. Their position on the track has nothing to do with you.

Because you know your values, you know where you want your race to end up. How someone else runs their race won’t get you where you want to go.

Life doesn’t have to be an endless, terrible competition with no clear destination. You can run your race with vision, purpose and clarity.

You can realize your goals and dreams and live your values right to the finish line.

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

If you want Mental Health Moment delivered right to your inbox, visit mymentalhealthmoment.com to sign up to get these delivered to your email every day.

If you’re STILL wanting for more, you can find articles and videos about stress and mental health, by visiting my website at LoriMiller.me.

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

  • Leave a note below or ask me a question in the comment section below.
  • Share this episode on Pinterest, Facebook, and LinkedIn .

Help spread the message about good mental health!

Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

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Ep 89: How you feel and what you do

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Do feelings matter the most in good mental health? Or is it more about how well we function? Well, it’s both, really. But I think we place so much value on how we feel that we forget how much our behaviors contribute towards our mental health.

Here are a few ways to use behaviors to influence your feelings.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

And don’t forget to subscribe to hear future episodes of Mental Health Moment wherever you are! 

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Full transcript 👇

 

Ep 89: How you feel and what you do

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

Having good mental health is all about feeling good, right?

If things are going well, we feel happy and grateful that things are going our way.

We may not actively seek out help or support because we have good feelings about where we are.

But it also feels good when you get things done, when you make things happen for yourself. If you’re like me, sometimes you make things happen in spite of feeling cranky or like life isn’t cutting you any breaks at all. You demonstrate healthy behaviors regardless of how you feel.

You wouldn’t necessarily say you feel good but you can see that the train is inching forward, and so that’s good.

So which is it?

Feeling good or demonstrating the behaviors that are working for you?

Welcome to our modern quandary.

I’m not sure we know which one brings us what we want from life. We like to feel like we’re accomplishing something here but we also just want to wake up with happy and content feelings just because.

Fair enough.

Even the psychological community doesn’t settle it. Consider the diagnostic bible called the DSM (or The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).

The diagnosis of a mental disorder is based quite a bit on observable criteria that look a lot like behaviors, because they are.

If you’re demonstrating symptoms of depression, you may:

  • sleep less or more,
  • isolate from others,
  • lose interest in things you used to enjoy,
  • become more tearful or irritable,
  • lose or gain weight,
  • become more forgetful,
  • or abuse substances.

All things I can see without asking you. To be fair, there are some subjective criteria for depression: feeling sad, hopeless, or restless, feelings of worthlessness or thoughts of death.

But the overwhelming focus in a diagnosis is on what behaviors I can observe about you.

In fact, in spite of of how you feel, the diagnosis comes when those behaviors keep you from performing well in some way.

  • Like you call in sick to work a lot because you just can’t get out of bed.
  • Or your productivity at work suffers because you can’t focus.
  • Or you abuse drugs or alcohol. I don’t need to tell you how damaging that can be in all the important domains of your life.

I’m not saying your feelings don’t matter. But your behaviors or lack of behaviors, are what can make your life so hard to manage well.

And that can make you feel unhappy or sad.

So getting some progress going with your behaviors can go a long way to helping you feel better.

That’s why people with severe depression may be encouraged to just do a few small things to get moving, even if they’re not feeling it in the moment.

The reality is that good mental health is somewhere in between feeling good and functioning well.

Most of us understand that life has ups and downs that affect how we feel and how we act.

But one thing I’ve observed is just how powerful behaviors can be on those days when you can’t seem to put it together otherwise.

Focusing on your actions can be an agnostic way to lean in to something that feels more objective until your feelings decide to come along on the ride. Hopefully you can accomplish this without judging the outcome or beating yourself up.

So how can you leverage some healthy behaviors to help you on the feeling side?

First, you can make healthy behaviors a ritual part of your day, a habit.

You commit to the time, and take action because you already decided you would. These behaviors can be things like exercise, reading uplifting materials, or helping others. But honestly, they can be anything that you do every day that helps you.

Keep in mind, it takes time to develop a kind of muscle memory with a healthy behavior. But once you do, you find yourself thinking a little less about the merits of the activity itself, and it’s easier not to talk yourself out of it. You’re just on “go” mode, so you go.

This is very powerful and will carry you on the days when you’re not feeling it.

Second, you need to get some accountability and real connection in your life.

If I can see your behaviors, others can, too. You don’t need to be a therapist to notice that someone is struggling, withdrawn and isolated. You need people in your life who will miss you when you’re not around, notice things about you and who will check in with you. That may mean you have to reach out to others first to get this connection and accountability going.

But it is one action that can improve your life exponentially.

Loneliness is a feeling that much of the world is struggling with right now, in epidemic proportions. That feeling can be lessened by taking more intentional action in how much you interact with others.

Third, have some go-to behaviors in your pocket to counter your difficult feelings.

You know your triggers and many times, you know when you’re likely to feel vulnerable. On the days we struggle, one of the hardest things to do is to sit with those difficult feelings without knowing what to do.

That’s when rumination and obsessive thinking take over.

If you struggle with a certain feeling in a certain situation, have a plan for what you will do when you have that feeling.

If your coffee time this morning had you worrying about how the rest of this week is going to go, take a few minutes now to go for a walk. Exercise is a slam dunk for anxiety. If that works, make that your plan. Then, any time you feel anxious, you go for a walk. That’s just what you do.

Now you don’t have to think about it in the moment when your feelings have already hit the floor.

Feelings and behaviors go hand-in-hand for a life that helps you feel productive and purposeful.

You need both.

It’s nice to feel good but it’s not the only metric of a life that is taking you where you want to go.

Part of good mental health is being resilient to handle the challenges that come your way and being able to take real action to stay on track.

Leverage both your feelings and healthy behaviors to feel good.

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

If you want Mental Health Moment delivered right to your inbox, visit mymentalhealthmoment.com to sign up to get these delivered to your email every day.

If you’re STILL wanting for more, you can find articles and videos about stress and mental health, by visiting my website at LoriMiller.me.

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

  • Leave a note below or ask me a question in the comment section below.
  • Share this episode on Pinterest, Facebook, and LinkedIn .

Help spread the message about good mental health!

Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

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Ep 88: Take care of your own “at-bat”

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Okay, I managed to go 87 episodes without bringing up baseball…until today! ⚾😀 I was hoping for a comeback win in today’s Yankees game, but alas, it was not to be.

But if they had pulled it out, it would have been because each player owned his turn at the plate. You can find some parallels for this in your life outside the ballpark.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

And don’t forget to subscribe to hear future episodes of Mental Health Moment wherever you are! 

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Full transcript 👇

Ep 88: Take care of your own "at-bat"

Photo credit: Me! Derek Jeter taking one of a bajillion at-bats at a game in Yankee stadium on April 10, 2010. I sure did love taking pictures at Yankee Stadium. 😊

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

If you’re a fan of baseball, or any sport, you know the feeling when the game’s almost over and your team’s down by a lot.

It’s not a fun feeling, and usually at this point of the game the concession stand is closed so there’s no way to distract yourself.

Your team’s down by six runs and it’s the bottom of the eighth inning. You appreciate your pitcher’s efforts to keep the other team where they are, but you have low expectations for that ninth inning coming up.

The other team’s lead looks insurmountable. I mean, physically a comeback in the bottom of the ninth could be possible, but not likely.

Heaven and earth would have to move to make that happen.

You wonder if you should join the trickle of fans you see heading towards the exits.

Maybe they’re right. It might be more practical to get out of the parking lot without a hassle than to witness the inevitable end.

While you’re scanning the expanse of empty seats around you, suddenly you hear that unmistakable cracking sound.

You whip your head around to see that the ninth inning started while you were doing all that looking around. And your team just got a hit.

You’re on base, yes!

Still, you’re not too pumped up. There’s a lot of room between where you are now and actually winning this thing.

There’s still a lot of baseball that has to happen in a short period of time.

And besides, how can the players even get themselves in a position mentally to do that? Don’t they see the bleak picture here, too?

You watch in stunned silence while your team racks up hit after hit, brings in a few runs, and works a few walks. Finally, the winning run walks up to the plate.

  • Now your expectations have come up.
  • Now a win seems doable and real.

But this player isn’t your big bopper, your clean up guy, or your superstar. It’s a utility player. A solid player for sure, but not the one that has the pitcher shaking in his cleats.

And then, CRACK! He gives that ball a ride! Right over the wall!

Game over and your team just came from being down six runs in the ninth to win this thing.

The remaining true fans like you rise to their feet, high fiving everyone in sight and saying how you knew it all along.

Your team just moved heaven and earth apparently.

While you were gazing around trying to figure out when to leave the ballpark, your team was focused on winning.

Kind of.

All teams would say they focus on winning.

But your team understood that winning is simply the result of each player taking care of his own at-bat.

What does that mean?

First of all, let me give credit to former Yankees pitcher David Cone for using that phrase a lot; which is ironic since he knows more about pitching a perfect game than focusing on at-bats.

Anyway, an “at-bat” is simply a player’s single turn at the plate. An at-bat could result in an out, a strikeout or a hit. If the player gets his bat in perfect position to the incoming ball, he might hit a home run.

Now he’s a hero.

But that doesn’t happen often. Statistically he’s more likely to strike out. That’s just the reality of baseball.

But if he’s a decent player there’s about a 25% chance he’ll get a hit that can put him in position for a run.

If he focuses on all that while standing in the batter’s box, though, he’s going to add to his strikeouts for sure.

He knows that his task is simply to keep his eye on each pitch as it comes.

Not the next pitch and not the one that came before.

And he’s certainly not thinking about his teammate’s at-bat just before him or whether or not the next batter will bring it home like a hero.

That’s not how you keep your head together when it looks hopeless.

He’s focused on being in HIS box with HIS pitch in HIS present moment.

He’s doing his very best to take care of what HE’s responsible for.

He’s taking care of his own at-bat.

The winning part isn’t really up to him.

How do you handle your days when you’re in a deep hole with no way to win outside of heaven and earth?

Do you trust in your ability to take care of what you can take care of? To keep your eye on what you know and trust your training?

Do you focus on what you bring to the plate in this moment for this situation and just execute that?

It’s easy to lose sight of all that when you feel like there’s no way you can win.

When things look pretty hopeless, it’s so easy to want to look outside of our own box.

We look for other people to blame and desperately grapple for any solution that doesn’t require us to just focus on our one part.

You can’t control how others play the game.

And you certainly can’t control how others standing behind you are seeing the pitches.

You can only focus on where you choose to place your attention right now and how you respond to each situation that comes across the plate, as it comes.

If you can relax and stay focused on what’s in front of you right now, you may look up and realize that you put yourself in a position to actually win.

Now you just need a little extra effort to get you over the wall.

Find ways today to focus on your own turn at the plate.

Do what you can do to inch this thing forward and stop worrying about the result.

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

If you want Mental Health Moment delivered right to your inbox, visit mymentalhealthmoment.com to sign up to get these delivered to your email every day.

If you’re STILL wanting for more, you can find articles and videos about stress and mental health, by visiting my website at LoriMiller.me.

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

  • Leave a note below or ask me a question in the comment section below.
  • Share this episode on Pinterest, Facebook, and LinkedIn .

Help spread the message about good mental health!

Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

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Ep 85: Your awkward self

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Sometimes we think we’re the only ones who feel awkward. But it’s something we all go through. Here’s one of my own spectacular displays of awkwardness.

Not only did I survive it, but it has given me something fun to look back on. It’s okay to just be your awkward self.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

And don’t forget to subscribe to hear future episodes of Mental Health Moment wherever you are! 

Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

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Full transcript 👇

Ep 85: Your awkward self

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

This back to school time is a good reminder of what awkwardness feels like. It’s hard enough to be a kid or a teenager, but then worrying about how you’re coming across to others can be a real mind wrecker.

Unfortunately that awkwardness doesn’t always go away when school’s over, does it?

Here I am pushing the half century mark, and I still have way too many Lucy Ricardo moments in my week.

And these moments aren’t things I can really plan for or prevent. They just kind of happen, and I’m suddenly faced with a moment where I feel like I look silly or did everyone hear this weird thing I just said?

In all honesty, publishing Mental Health Moment can be awkward sometimes because I’m always wondering if maybe this episode was a little too quirky.

So that little high school awkwardness is still roaming around my own yard a bit.

I come by this feeling honestly because when I do get really awkward, I tend to do it in a big way.

A few years ago we were visiting family in Texas for the holidays. Our connecting flight home to Florida was supposed to take us through the very large Houston Intercontinental Airport.

Naturally, our first flight was running late — very, very late. When we got off our plane, we realized we had just 15 minutes to change terminals and get to the very end of the largest concourse to catch our next plane.

It seemed like there was no way but we had to try, right?

We immediately started that zombie walk-run-swinging arms move you do in an airport when you’re in a hurry.

We managed to change terminals with no issues. But once we stepped off the tram that took us to Terminal C, I knew we were in trouble.

Our window to board the plane was now at about five minutes and we had still had to go all the way to the end of the concourse.

If you fly enough, you know once they close the door that leads to the plane, it’s game over. Capt. Sully wouldn’t be able to pry that door open.

My husband was chivalrously pulling most of the suitcases so I figured this was my moment.

If it’s to be it’s up to me, you know?

So I just took off running towards the gate.

If you know me, you know I don’t run. At all. Ever.

In fact, if you see me running you should run too because I’m probably being chased by something.

I kept my focus firmly on that gate number and let my feet fly through the busy crowds. My husband told me later that I hurdled a couple of pretty good sized strollers but I’m not so sure about that.

Still, I was on the move.

Once I got close enough, I saw the gate attendant make his way to the jetway door — and open it!

Oh no, no, no, I said to myself.

I raced through the pods of seats at the gate and yelled, “Hey!”

The man turned around.

I slammed my boarding pass down on his little desk, and with zero air in my lungs declared like a warrior princess, “I’m supposed to be on this plane and so is my family!”

“Yes ma’am,” he said, completely devoid of any emotion.

“You and the 200 people standing behind you.”

They hadn’t even boarded the plane yet. 😲

I turned around and to my horror, those 200 people were now clapping for me.

I almost always sit in the back of the room so this kind of attention felt like 14 different kinds of hot flashes happening all at the same time.

I didn’t know what to think. I tried to laugh. I may have taken a bow, I don’t remember.

I felt so awkward and embarrassed.

As I took my spot in line with my family and fanned myself with my boarding pass trying to calm down, my husband leaned over and said, “Do you see that man over there?”

I saw a man standing just a few feet from us, smiling and talking to the people in line behind him.

“That’s Romeo Crennel,” he said. “He’s the defensive coordinator for the Houston Texans. He was clapping for you, too!”

🙈

And that’s when I decided, the whole thing was just too freakin’ funny.

  • Was he impressed with my speed?
  • Did he see me throw a few blocks when I was moving through that crowd back there?

The football jokes started spilling out. I realized that even though this was, I think, THE most awkward and embarrassed I’ve ever been, I created this pretty great memory for my family.

No one has let me forget it.

Now I wasn’t perceiving my awkwardness here. This is about as real as it gets.

But you know what?

Within a few minutes, those 200 people had already moved on.

They were more focused on getting home to Florida than thinking about the awkward girl running through the airport.

I did get a few thumbs up as we walked to our seats on the plane, but mostly the experience was over.

So now it was up to me to decide how I was going to conceptualize all this.

What would I take away from it?

If that story didn’t normalize awkwardness for you, here’s a little additional ointment to put on your own awkwardness.

First of all, as you can see, awkwardness happens to all of us.

I can’t tell you how many people have told me how awkward they sometimes feel in therapy. They wonder later when they play the tapes back in their head if they said something silly or that I must think they’re the most awkward person I’ve ever met.

These are people from all walks of life who are accomplished and purposeful and don’t appear to have an awkward bone in their body.

I let them know that feeling awkward is sometimes just part of getting to know someone. It’s part of the process.

We’re all sailing in this particular boat together.

Second, you’re probably not as awkward as you think.

We are so wrapped up in our own heads, dissecting every thought and analyzing our every action.

How much are you thinking about someone else’s awkwardness right now?

You’re not, right?

You’re too focused on your own issues and circumstances.

Others are doing that exact same thing, too.

I wonder how many of those people in that airport even remember my little amazing race today.

If you do have a genuinely awkward moment, then just know that this is part of what makes us human.

Taking awkwardness too seriously only serves to drive you underground and keeps you from taking the risks that will move you forward.

Unless it costs you something tremendous, most likely an awkward moment was just simply that … one awkward moment in time.

Keeping a healthy attitude can provide you some great stories for the future. I love telling my awkward and embarrassing airport story because it’s just so me.

I can get so focused on something that I miss really obvious stuff sometimes. Like a crowd of 200 people!

Accepting those awkward moments can help you weather some of the crazy stuff in life because none of us can predict anything anyway.

You may as well be able to learn from it, laugh at it and enjoy some of it.

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

If you want Mental Health Moment delivered right to your inbox, visit mymentalhealthmoment.com to sign up to get these delivered to your email every day.

If you’re STILL wanting for more, you can find articles and videos about stress and mental health, by visiting my website at LoriMiller.me.

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

  • Leave a note below or ask me a question in the comment section below.
  • Share this episode on Pinterest, Facebook, and LinkedIn .

Help spread the message about good mental health!

Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

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Ep 84: Moving to the center of conflict

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We spend a lot of time avoiding conflict because we’re not always sure where it might take us. But avoiding conflict keeps you stagnant and can take you right off the board.

Learn how to embrace conflict and make it work for you to create the healthy relationships you want to have.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

And don’t forget to subscribe to hear future episodes of Mental Health Moment wherever you are! 

Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

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Full transcript 👇

Ep 84: Moving to the center of conflict

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

One of the hardest things to navigate in a relationship is conflict.

Not because it’s so difficult to resolve but because so few people are willing to to actually deal with conflict directly.

In a previous episode, I talked about passive aggressiveness, those indirect ways that we communicate to the people in our lives that there’s a problem to be solved.

Instead of approaching the issue with honest feelings, we let our actions speak for us. This puts us in a game of “guess what I’m feeling and I’m very angry that you can’t see what I’m feeling.”

This kind of interaction almost always misses the mark.

On the other end are people who go out of their way to avoid conflict altogether. They will take the responsibility for things that don’t belong to them just to keep the peace at any costs.

In both of these cases, conflict is seen as a threat.

If I tell you how I’m really feeling, then you may get upset.

And I may not know what to do with that.

Instead of coming to you with the idea of resolving the issue, I place my hope in the conflict magically going away.

That almost never works.

You may be able to slide by for a bit dancing around the issue but it almost always comes up in some way, somehow.

  • Your frustration with your boss works you up so much that you decide to leave the company looking for a less war-like situation.
  • Your spouse suddenly tells you the marriage is over and you didn’t see it coming at all because you had no idea there was even an issue.
  • You stop talking to your best friend because she made you really angry when she made that comment last month about your kids.

In each of these cases, there is a loss of an important relationship.

In each of these cases, issues boiled under the surface but never made their way to where you could interact with them and figure out what’s going on.

You just find out when you see the water suddenly moving and the steam burns you.

That’s the result of poor conflict resolution.

You see, the most important thing in your relationships isn’t communication.

I think we all know people who communicate constantly but never really say anything.

The most important thing in a relationship is the ability to resolve conflict. That’s where progress in a relationship happens.

Taking time to resolve an issue with someone means that you both put something in this and that you’re both invested in the relationship getting better.

Resolving conflict together brings you closer.

It forms a bond in the relationship because now you’ve been through something together.

Healthy relationships aren’t based on how well you get along. They come from the ability to hear and validate others in spite of your own feelings, and to have others do the same for you.

That’s not something to run from.

So how do you approach conflict in a way that grows your relationships?

A big way to start is to speak from your own experiences and emotions.

When we’re angry with someone, it’s so tempting to assign motives to their actions. That’s usually the first thing we want to get into when we do decide to approach someone.

And it’s the thing that makes conflict blow up, the thing we hate about it the most.

We make comments like, “You always make me feel like that.”

That’s a quick way to put someone on the defensive.

Instead of focusing on their actions, describe the actual emotion you felt as a result of that action.

“When you speak to me in that tone, it makes me feel hurt, angry, sad,”…whatever.

Describe your specific emotions without assigning motives. You’re just a reporter of information about you.

While they may not agree with you, they can’t take away your feelings. You own those.

Then, let them respond.

When they do, listen to understand, not to reply.

This is really hard.

We’ve all had those conversations where we’re crafting our witty response while the other person’s talking.

You may come up with a great response, but you just missed a whole bunch of great info coming from them while you were inside your own head playing speechwriter.

You’re listening so you can come up with your own response instead of really hearing them and validating their feelings.

That doesn’t help them feel heard either.

Listen to what they have to say and summarize it back to them to make sure you got it right.

This is an easy way to actively listen because you’ll have to pay attention to make sure you don’t miss something.

It also allows them to clarify the details so they can walk away feeling heard.

Above all, lean in to your own responsibility to keep the relationship healthy.

So many times we wait for the other person to kind of “get it” and come to us first.

If you value the relationship at all, you may need to make the first move. Maybe that doesn’t feel fair, especially if you feel like you’re not in the wrong here.

But making the first move says that you value this relationship enough to get this process going, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Waiting only serves to let the issues continue to bubble and increases the chance of a much bigger event later.

Besides, you’re part of this relationship and it’s on you to do what you can to keep it healthy. You play your part, too.

What the other person does or doesn’t do is on them.

The best part about approaching conflict in this way is that once you engage, you find that there are some things you just didn’t know.

You get knowledge that can help you understand their perspective sooner instead of stewing over assumptions and assigning motives.

You may not like the knowledge you get, and that’s fine.

Maybe you do decide to make a drastic change in the relationship after walking through this process.

But at least you can make a more informed decision before you just shut everything down.

Conflict resolution allows you to keep the air clear so you can move ahead together as a team instead of viewing each other with suspicion and anger.

This is the price of admission for healthy relationships.

It requires some humility and intention but it can bring you closer to more satisfying relationships.

Isn’t that all any of us want?

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

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